The path toward integration and self-awareness has taken me through points of new discoveries. But it’s also brought me to see things in me that deepened my understanding of why I respond to life as I do.

From my earliest memories I’ve found myself to be comfortable in Melancholy. This isn’t to say I’m not a generally happy person. In spite of disappointments — maybe because of them — I realize I am a blessed man.

When Melancholy greets me, there’s a song that inevitably plays in the background of my mind like a soundtrack. It’s a great example of the beauty of Melancholy in the face of life’s unavoidable changes.

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
‘Til the landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older, too
Oh, I’m getting older, too

I took my love, I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
Oh, the landslide will bring it down

Steve Nicks wrote Landslide in 1975 while facing a gut-wrenching decision between abandoning music or sticking with it. I’m glad she chose the harder path.

Where some may try to avoid or reject or numb themselves from pain, I choose to wade through it as part of the current of life, let it envelop me, and just experience it. Wistful moments always stir that part of my soul. I might even say that I can see Melancholy coming and move toward her like an old friend I run into at a coffee shop.

It’s in these times of Melancholy I am most nostalgic. Maybe that’s why I embrace these moments so fully.

Melancholy reminds me of some of the greatest moments of life.

Melancholy reminds me what joy is like.

Melancholy reminds me I’m alive.